Change is definitely painful. Change--such as being used to constantly having someone there to help and to just be there, and then that person leaving--is definitely painful. For the past two weeks, there has been an awful lot of just Mommy and Travis time. Jon has been staying with friends. And then this week he decided that he wants to break up.
So right now, I'm riding on the single mom train. Which is a place that I never thought I would be. Sometimes I'm okay, and sometimes I'm really not. It hasn't really hit me yet. Maybe I'm in denial, but it doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel like Jon's not actually going to be here--until I'm trying to go to sleep in an empty bed.
He still comes to watch Travis everyday while I'm at school, but it's just not the same. I miss having him around. It's definitely a huge change--and it's definitely painful. I want nothing more than for things to go back to the way that they were and for us to be a family. I'm still hoping that it will one day happen for us. I want Travis to have his Mommy and Daddy together more than anything.
But for now, I guess we'll be seeing some single mom adventures on the blog. Wish me luck. I've already practically grown like five arms with the amount of things I've managed to carry on my own. I refuse to make more than one trip to and from the car.
Travis is getting me through this, though. He's the best. He gives the best hugs and kisses and he always makes me smile and warms my heart. If things end up not working out, at least I'll always have my baby. He's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Wish me luck though, and cross your fingers that Jon will come to his senses and come home. It's just not the same without him here. I live in a tiny apartment, but it feels like a huge, empty house.